Okay I know this is hard to believe but my dog ate the bills. Yep the whole stack of them.
I called the hospital that I owe $25.00. Left a message and they called me back today. It went like this.
This is the hospital you said you wanted to pay a bill?
Yes
what is the date of the billing?
I don't know my dog ate the bills.
what is the account number?
account number?
Yes ma'am I need your account number.
Please let me go back and state again that my dog ate the bills.
oh ok what kind of dogs do you have?
what kind of dogs do I have?
yes.
okay shepherd rotties.
oh those are big dogs
humm yeah. So can I pay my bill
oh yes please give me your account number.
My account number?
Yes.
My daughter then screams well it is laying right in front of you mom just give it to her.
the woman says I can wait for you to read it to me.
I say well it is sitting right in front of me. but in my dogs intestine someplace. So reading it will be hard to do.
oh I guess it will be. so what is your name, blaaaa blaaa. your address blaaa blaaa. your date of birth bla bla bla. How much do you owe? I believe it is 25 dollars not the 20 grand one. Oh ok the lady says, I will be happy to take your payment, what is your account number?
At this point my eyes have rolled back in my head and my daughter is cracking up.
Once again my dog ate the bills. I can not read them, I do not have x ray vision. Can you take a payment or not.
Oh sure what is your credit card number.
I really wanted to say the dog ate it too.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
How stupid can one get?
So a friends almost 19 year old sons email sends out the spam that we have all been getting. You know the one for viagra, cialis etc. The mother who gets the email writes the following to the father 5000 miles away.
Ter,
maybe I'm reading too much into this... Cody sent this to me and I'm quite sure by accident. Notice the link address has nothing to do with what really comes up so its a cover.
He needs to get away from that damn place. Please talk to him, not scold him. This is the kind of shit that will take Cody away from us.
Get into his head about drugs and sex. He's too immature for this stuff and it worries me.
Wen
Okay we all know at this point the mother is an idiot and we have to pull the stupid card out on her. The following is the response to the mothers email from the father.
OMG!!! I found his stockpile of Viagra!!! He took a couple and has been walking around with a boner for a week! They sent him home from work Sunday because a 70 year old lady was offended when he tried to slip by her and rubbed his junk accross her back. I dont know what to do. Some of the addresses he sent it to are his teachers!! A couple are women, but one is a guy!!! What can it mean???
Or, it could be junk e-mail that reads your address book and spams everyone in it.... Just a thought.
So how are you doin'?
T
I share this with you all so that you will know what to do when you get one of these emails in your inbox. Please do not do what Wen did and panic, run screaming in the streets and send your x an email freaking out. Or you will look like more of an idiot than you already are.
Ter,
maybe I'm reading too much into this... Cody sent this to me and I'm quite sure by accident. Notice the link address has nothing to do with what really comes up so its a cover.
He needs to get away from that damn place. Please talk to him, not scold him. This is the kind of shit that will take Cody away from us.
Get into his head about drugs and sex. He's too immature for this stuff and it worries me.
Wen
Okay we all know at this point the mother is an idiot and we have to pull the stupid card out on her. The following is the response to the mothers email from the father.
OMG!!! I found his stockpile of Viagra!!! He took a couple and has been walking around with a boner for a week! They sent him home from work Sunday because a 70 year old lady was offended when he tried to slip by her and rubbed his junk accross her back. I dont know what to do. Some of the addresses he sent it to are his teachers!! A couple are women, but one is a guy!!! What can it mean???
Or, it could be junk e-mail that reads your address book and spams everyone in it.... Just a thought.
So how are you doin'?
T
I share this with you all so that you will know what to do when you get one of these emails in your inbox. Please do not do what Wen did and panic, run screaming in the streets and send your x an email freaking out. Or you will look like more of an idiot than you already are.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Insane religion. Stay away from my house!
To the Two guys who just rang my door bell. It is below 20 degrees. Your religion hates you and is trying to kill you. Try being Catholic, we drive, drink and celebrate birthdays and halloween! Yes I was home, nope I did not answer my door. Yep my dogs would have eaten you and your back pack. Have a nice day and get a hat and gloves. Stay off my hill!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
December is for Doctors not Christmas
I started December with a routine Ct Scan. It is a yearly thing that I must do to check the kidney since the cancer surgery. 6 Dec drink that crap. Yep they are trying to poison me. 7 Dec. Ct scan, the tech was great and it was over in a flash. Your report will be done Thursday or Friday. Okay no big deal right? Just routine.
8 Dec first thing in the morning my phone rings. When your primary care person says don't panic or stress out. Well the first thing that comes to my mind is to do BOTH and really quick! They found a mass. Now knowing I have been coughing for weeks figured it was lung. Nope it was kidney. Same kidney infact that you only have part of. When you go to the urologist let me know what they say. Nice that I had already planned an appointment for the next week. Not like my NP was going to find one for me.
In my usual calm manner I freaked the heck out. Waited 2 hours and called husband and freaked out more. He came right home and we went running to get films, reports. blood work paperwork etc. I called the urology people that I had made that next week appt with and they got me in the next day.
Walking into the urology office the nurse promptly says oh did you ever have one of those days where you just smile all day because you would rather cry? REALLY? WTF do you think I am here for? Then she takes ye old blood pressure and tells me I need to calm down. NO you need to get me a doctor and when you tell me this mass is nothing I will calm down.
After looking at two sets of ct scans the dr "thinks" it is a cyst. But we need to look into it more. Call and make an appointment when you get all the records.
Oh yeah that took two calls, the records were faxed that afternoon. I waited 1.5 weeks for the cd and report of the MRI.
That afternoon I went to see the cardiologist. Lets say the bp was high still. Not quite as bad there. The doctor was a douche bag, he was the true meaning of a person who thinks he is better than you. We did not hit it off.
Shots in both knees at knee doctor.
Stress test and echocardiogram scheduled for the next week. Two different days of course and then the results later next week. So the guy who did the chemical stress test was way adhd. said yes sir yes sir yes sir after everything that was said. I am gonna hook you up to this yes sir yes sir yes sir. hummm ocd much? Then I was getting upset I had checked earlier that morning and I was female there and this guy is calling me sir? Was it the dye? Was it the fact my bp was 170/100? Yes it went down after I survived that test. OMG the want to puke is amazing. Next time I will crawl on the tredmil if I have to.
Of course I had went to the cardio people because I was having chest wall pain(outside) and my family history sucks. So I go the next day to the echocardiogram guy and he pushed on my chest wall for 30 min. yeppers it feels good and it is even more fun when you hear him clicking like a mad man and ask what he is measuring? Oh you have a leak. Well let me tell you at that point I about had a bladder leak too! He goes onto say why is your bp so high. Well if you ever said anything good to me when I come in here it would maybe be lower?
So at this point I have managed to be at the doctors 9 days sometimes two appts a day.
Friday time to make the cookies.
Monday back to the doctors, this was my regular np to try to update her on stuff but oh no we can't do that because the computers are down. Cool start writing.
I have had this cough now 4 weeks it gets horrible. She says well I think you need to go get your vocal cords checked. NO! I am not going to one more doctor at this point. I need to take care of these two doctors before I add anything to the mix. She says not to let it go over 6 weeks. yes ma'am yes ma'am three bags full.
So friday the mri cd came. waiting at the house for ups for a week and they deliver to the mail box at the road. Thank you ups no honk no call. Yep my number was on the front of the package in big font!
Van stuck in mud. sat van pulled from mud. Car gets flat.
So monday morning right after the doctors appt I call the urologist for an appt. Weds 3:15. wow I am thinking I can get this all done. car flat only took just under 2 hours to repair.
Tuesday morning I am eating breakfast, I have cardiologist this afternoon in the freezing rain. Same stuff we have been dealing with for the past week, lovely weather. Close everything except my doctors office. The phone rings and urologist wants to cancel my appointment for tomorrow (weds) NO! We don't have all the records. I have the mri in my purse just like I explained yesterday on the phone and David had the TX reports faxed same day a week ago.
So today I go to the cardiologist, then tomorrow I go to the urologist. I am sure by time this is all over I can check into the insaneologist.
8 Dec first thing in the morning my phone rings. When your primary care person says don't panic or stress out. Well the first thing that comes to my mind is to do BOTH and really quick! They found a mass. Now knowing I have been coughing for weeks figured it was lung. Nope it was kidney. Same kidney infact that you only have part of. When you go to the urologist let me know what they say. Nice that I had already planned an appointment for the next week. Not like my NP was going to find one for me.
In my usual calm manner I freaked the heck out. Waited 2 hours and called husband and freaked out more. He came right home and we went running to get films, reports. blood work paperwork etc. I called the urology people that I had made that next week appt with and they got me in the next day.
Walking into the urology office the nurse promptly says oh did you ever have one of those days where you just smile all day because you would rather cry? REALLY? WTF do you think I am here for? Then she takes ye old blood pressure and tells me I need to calm down. NO you need to get me a doctor and when you tell me this mass is nothing I will calm down.
After looking at two sets of ct scans the dr "thinks" it is a cyst. But we need to look into it more. Call and make an appointment when you get all the records.
Oh yeah that took two calls, the records were faxed that afternoon. I waited 1.5 weeks for the cd and report of the MRI.
That afternoon I went to see the cardiologist. Lets say the bp was high still. Not quite as bad there. The doctor was a douche bag, he was the true meaning of a person who thinks he is better than you. We did not hit it off.
Shots in both knees at knee doctor.
Stress test and echocardiogram scheduled for the next week. Two different days of course and then the results later next week. So the guy who did the chemical stress test was way adhd. said yes sir yes sir yes sir after everything that was said. I am gonna hook you up to this yes sir yes sir yes sir. hummm ocd much? Then I was getting upset I had checked earlier that morning and I was female there and this guy is calling me sir? Was it the dye? Was it the fact my bp was 170/100? Yes it went down after I survived that test. OMG the want to puke is amazing. Next time I will crawl on the tredmil if I have to.
Of course I had went to the cardio people because I was having chest wall pain(outside) and my family history sucks. So I go the next day to the echocardiogram guy and he pushed on my chest wall for 30 min. yeppers it feels good and it is even more fun when you hear him clicking like a mad man and ask what he is measuring? Oh you have a leak. Well let me tell you at that point I about had a bladder leak too! He goes onto say why is your bp so high. Well if you ever said anything good to me when I come in here it would maybe be lower?
So at this point I have managed to be at the doctors 9 days sometimes two appts a day.
Friday time to make the cookies.
Monday back to the doctors, this was my regular np to try to update her on stuff but oh no we can't do that because the computers are down. Cool start writing.
I have had this cough now 4 weeks it gets horrible. She says well I think you need to go get your vocal cords checked. NO! I am not going to one more doctor at this point. I need to take care of these two doctors before I add anything to the mix. She says not to let it go over 6 weeks. yes ma'am yes ma'am three bags full.
So friday the mri cd came. waiting at the house for ups for a week and they deliver to the mail box at the road. Thank you ups no honk no call. Yep my number was on the front of the package in big font!
Van stuck in mud. sat van pulled from mud. Car gets flat.
So monday morning right after the doctors appt I call the urologist for an appt. Weds 3:15. wow I am thinking I can get this all done. car flat only took just under 2 hours to repair.
Tuesday morning I am eating breakfast, I have cardiologist this afternoon in the freezing rain. Same stuff we have been dealing with for the past week, lovely weather. Close everything except my doctors office. The phone rings and urologist wants to cancel my appointment for tomorrow (weds) NO! We don't have all the records. I have the mri in my purse just like I explained yesterday on the phone and David had the TX reports faxed same day a week ago.
So today I go to the cardiologist, then tomorrow I go to the urologist. I am sure by time this is all over I can check into the insaneologist.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Repair people
Thursday was the most expensive day I have had in a long time and did not even leave the house.
I called a repair person I wont say what house system needed help, I have some odd conscience about hurting this persons feelings. I am sure there are thousands just like him.
The repair person called me back and said he would be out in the afternoon. I kept hearing some noise in the phone. I assumed it was a kid, daughter thought it was a dog. If you knew our friends dog Shatzy you would understand why she said it was a dog.
Repair man shows up on schedule, hello and let me show you to the basement. So walking around the house I hear WOOHOO! Now of course I think I must be looking good today. Then I quickly found out this person has tourettes syndrome. OMG could someone have warned me before it broke my heart to know it was not my nice butt? Anyway. This person could carry on a conversation then a woohoo would pop out at a decibel that was deafening. His tongue would make Gene Simmons Jealous and it would dart to the side his eyes rolled up in his head and his head would cock sideways. So this went on for a while. about 2 hours to be exact. The most fun part of this was that he turned to me while trying to figure out what was wrong and said what do you think? Think? Your kidding? Nope he was not. I think your the repair man and I think if you don't know I am scared! I promptly went outside and got a rope and put it around my neck, heck its near Halloween let me hang.
As the repair went on and I apparently became the assistant, he handed me things to clean them out. Okay I am pretty handy but how do you expect me to clean them out?
WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOO!
Then I was told to call ++++ and ask her how much the part would cost? ME? Let me call and you can talk?!. Nope I asked ++++ and found out the cost of said parts. We got the thing fixed. Yes I said WE because I had become the workers helper, so I can say WE.
I did love the math as apparently they went to school in my home town with the same math teachers I had and their math sucked! Saved me a couple hundred dollars.
As soon as this system started working I said woohoo. Oh crap did I just offend this man? It was totally not my intention at all. I was just excited to have this system working correctly for once.
Tip for workers, just let me know you have something like tourettes so I wont get my hopes up when your walking behind me screaming WOOHOO! I can handle the tourettes I can not however handle the heart break to find out your not woohooing my nice butt.
I called a repair person I wont say what house system needed help, I have some odd conscience about hurting this persons feelings. I am sure there are thousands just like him.
The repair person called me back and said he would be out in the afternoon. I kept hearing some noise in the phone. I assumed it was a kid, daughter thought it was a dog. If you knew our friends dog Shatzy you would understand why she said it was a dog.
Repair man shows up on schedule, hello and let me show you to the basement. So walking around the house I hear WOOHOO! Now of course I think I must be looking good today. Then I quickly found out this person has tourettes syndrome. OMG could someone have warned me before it broke my heart to know it was not my nice butt? Anyway. This person could carry on a conversation then a woohoo would pop out at a decibel that was deafening. His tongue would make Gene Simmons Jealous and it would dart to the side his eyes rolled up in his head and his head would cock sideways. So this went on for a while. about 2 hours to be exact. The most fun part of this was that he turned to me while trying to figure out what was wrong and said what do you think? Think? Your kidding? Nope he was not. I think your the repair man and I think if you don't know I am scared! I promptly went outside and got a rope and put it around my neck, heck its near Halloween let me hang.
As the repair went on and I apparently became the assistant, he handed me things to clean them out. Okay I am pretty handy but how do you expect me to clean them out?
WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOO!
Then I was told to call ++++ and ask her how much the part would cost? ME? Let me call and you can talk?!. Nope I asked ++++ and found out the cost of said parts. We got the thing fixed. Yes I said WE because I had become the workers helper, so I can say WE.
I did love the math as apparently they went to school in my home town with the same math teachers I had and their math sucked! Saved me a couple hundred dollars.
As soon as this system started working I said woohoo. Oh crap did I just offend this man? It was totally not my intention at all. I was just excited to have this system working correctly for once.
Tip for workers, just let me know you have something like tourettes so I wont get my hopes up when your walking behind me screaming WOOHOO! I can handle the tourettes I can not however handle the heart break to find out your not woohooing my nice butt.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Just a simple drive into town.
Okay one of the readers heard us screaming with laughter on the phone when this happened.
We were driving into town, the suv coming towards us at 55 mph. His hood flew up and mashed into his window, firmly planted in the windsheild the driver kept driving. about two farms later he pulled over to the left yes I said LEFT he crossed the middle and parked. We passed cracking up. okay it was not funny it was dangerous. IT WAS HYSTERICAL!!!
Please people of KY do some vehicle maintenance.
We were driving into town, the suv coming towards us at 55 mph. His hood flew up and mashed into his window, firmly planted in the windsheild the driver kept driving. about two farms later he pulled over to the left yes I said LEFT he crossed the middle and parked. We passed cracking up. okay it was not funny it was dangerous. IT WAS HYSTERICAL!!!
Please people of KY do some vehicle maintenance.
Friday, August 20, 2010
It really has to be a KY thing, state not the jelly.
Tonight while buying wormer for the horses, that would be EQUINE WORMER, the genuis cashier grown woman says oh I have horses too. Do you have horses? Yes. What are you going to use this on? cows, goats or what? MY KIDS I respond, She says OH I have never heard of it used on kids before. This has to be one of those shows that tape stupid crap where Howie Mandel pops out right? Nope she was serious. I paid and walked out.
This brings me back to the time at Walmart, I ran into get bacon, just one lb of bacon and hubby ran in with me. I put the bacon on the belt and the kid cashier says Oh we makin bacon today? My husband just turned and walked away, he knew something was going to come ouf ot my mouth. I said nope not having sex today we have company paid and walked out. Why do people say this stuff to me?
This brings me back to the time at Walmart, I ran into get bacon, just one lb of bacon and hubby ran in with me. I put the bacon on the belt and the kid cashier says Oh we makin bacon today? My husband just turned and walked away, he knew something was going to come ouf ot my mouth. I said nope not having sex today we have company paid and walked out. Why do people say this stuff to me?
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