Friday, August 20, 2010

It really has to be a KY thing, state not the jelly.

Tonight while buying wormer for the horses, that would be EQUINE WORMER, the genuis cashier grown woman says oh I have horses too.  Do you have horses? Yes.  What are you going to use this on? cows, goats or what?  MY KIDS I respond,  She says OH I have never heard of it used on kids before. This has to be one of those shows that tape stupid crap where Howie Mandel pops out right?  Nope she was serious.  I paid and walked out.

This brings me back to the time at Walmart, I ran into get bacon, just one lb of bacon and hubby ran in with me.  I put the bacon on the belt and the kid cashier says Oh we makin bacon today?  My husband just turned and walked away, he knew something was going to come ouf ot my mouth.  I said nope not having sex today we have company paid and walked out.    Why do people say this stuff to me?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Our new foals wrote this letter back to the rescue today.

Dear family. We are fine, we like our new home. We have one BIG brother his name is Leroy. Our new mom caught him stealing our hay, we did not mind sharing but he got in trouble and mom and dad moved the white fence. The one that zaps your butt if you back into it being stubborn.

Yesterday we learned to pick up our feet, not sure why this was a good thing. Milagro thinks they are trying to teach us ballet too. Well Jasmine was being a brat and the new sister Mary told her to quit acting like a mare. She thought that meant she was gonna run the whole town but I explained that it meant she was a girl not a mayor. She is not very good at spelling words.

The big parents put more tape on my bandage last night, it is staying on well they said.

We like the fans, the dad turned them down they were so fast we were gonna take flight. The big brother likes to stay in his room next to our bedroom and talk to us but the new sister Mary kicks him out and then she gets on his back and rides him. She says our day is coming in a few years.

The parents hooked ropes to our chins last night and they said we did really good at walking around. They asked us if we wanted to go outside and walk but we said no. So we walked around our bedroom. After our walk we took a nap. They said we are getting very good at napping.

We like the food, they give us two kinds of water here, one is regular water and the other has electrolytes in it. Okay if you look back up this letter that white fence is electric. we were not going to drink water that would zap us but the sister girl explained we need it if we are sweating a lot. So we drank some and it did not zap us.

Now we are waiting for the farrier. Now this was a huge thing. Jasmine thought it was a fairy like the tooth fairy. I knew it was a gay person. Then the girl said no it is not a tooth fairy and it is not a gay person. Wow we have a lot to learn here. She told us that a farrier is a person who trims our toe nails. They said he is a very nice man and he wont give us a shot either. They tell us that is the reason we had to learn to pick up our feet, not ballet. he was suppose to come but Mary had school so now they need to make another day. We were worried about having to go to school too. But they said we wont have to go to school like mary does.

We have lots of family too, our grandma is going to come visit in a couple weeks. Our new mom says the grandma wont ever come to the barn, I think we have to go in the house to visit her. The little kids called, the mom calls them the grands. Jasmine says she wants to move before that little girl comes, she is going to teach us to read! and Karate, I think that is another one of those on one foot things like ballet.

Well we better go now, it is time for our nap, our new family says we nap the best! love Milagro and Jasmine

Hoofdate 8/21/10
Okay I am sure the mom told you that the farrier came to give us pretty hooves. I was good, Milagro was bad, No I wasn't! yes you were yes you were!

This morning there was a storm and Jasmine got all scared, no it was you not me! Okay maybe both of us did. But the dad and the girl came running to the barn to check on us. Good thing because we broke our water bucket and the dad had to go to the garage for another one. We still had that electric water in the other bucket but we like the regular water best unless it is really hot.

After the family went to church they came out to play with us. Dad and the girl came first the mom was making rice for the dogs. I think they are chinese dogs, they are always eating rice.

When the mom came out she petted us and then we had to put on those rope things and do the merry go round in our bedroom again. I am getting really good at backing up, so am I! He always thinks he gets to talk first. No I don't! Yes you do yes you do!

The parents opened the door to our bedroom and we did not want to go out. The big horse got to stay in his bedroom so why can't we? Jasmine did something bad hahahahaha. No I didn't! uh huh you did! No I didn't!

We did not want to go outside the bedroom with the parents so the girl brought her friend Leroy in the alley to tell us it was okay, So I went out first because girls are always more bravest than boys! uh uh you went out because you were nosey and girls are always more nosey!

Oh my that big horse was in a horrible accident. She lost all her teats but one! hahahahhahahaha Jasmine tried to get milk off the big horse hahahahaha she did not know it was a boy horse hahahaha. The boy horse was very nice and did not kick her but if she tries that with me I am gonna go kung fu on her!

Okay quit teasing me I am just little. But you were a fraidy cat and would not go out of the bedroom with the mom and I went first with the dad because I am not scared. Boys are chickens!

But I went too she just pushed me and I was trying to be a gentleman and let her go out first.

We went outside with the big horse and HE is HUGE! He is like a giant! The mom says she is going to send you the picture when we are done writing this email. Good Night Jasmine and Milagro

Dear family, Thank you so much for the shotter things. It was a little hard without thumbs to give them but we worked together and got it done. Mom, Dad and Mary came to the barn with them and said they were going to wrap Milagros belly again, we jumped them and gave them each a shot. Dad was easy he went right to sleep. Mary was pretty easy too. Mom fought a little but as soon as she was asleep we tee peed the barn with those bandages. We are sure they will wake up in time for feeding. love Milagro and Jasmine.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Admitting my own insanity

We live in the country, way out in the country.  So on the weekends I take husbands daily driver to town to save on gas. GREAT MPG!
So this weekend I ran into town early and was trying to reset the oil indicator on the way.  No Oprah I don't need to take the no text pledge I need to take the do not push the cars buttons while driving pledge.
We have a little town that is a huge speed trap. Always a cop waiting to have a chat and give you a letter of recommendation to the judge. I passed through there okay.
Soon I looked down and I was going 91.  oh yeah, I was just saying wow this car handles nice. Remember I never drive it.   OH CRAP 91,  slam on brakes. 59 feels like the car is not moving,  oh no did I break it already and it has been like 4 miles from the house.  Then down to 45 and it feels like it is standing still.  
Then the idiot light comes on in my head.  I have pushed enough buttons it was set to metric!  
Okay I said wow I am glad that I was not on the end of one of those nice letters allowing me to go to the judge and pay money.
So today Monday we were in husbands car coming from dinner. I told the story and I thought husband was going to crash the car laughing so hard......

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Tip O'the day.

When dealing with the new advisor at the college. She will be stupid and you will hear Charlie Browns mom talking after she steps over the line on the first question.

College books cost more than college.

Even if you have turned the fence off make sure no one has turned it back on before you climb through it. Hitting two hot fence wires will result in extreme back and groin pain.....balls in throat.

Learn to count change.  Today I gave the woman at the window 5 one dollar bills and 3 quarters.  My bill was 5.59  she gave me back a quarter.  Please learn to count change and to be able to break a whole quarter. A quarter is 25 cents. So you need to give me a penny a dime and a nickle.  Or a brown one, a little silver one and a medium silver one with no rough edges.  This was not a young kid either. I would say college age. I bet she is going to college to be a math teacher.

To the carnie that was screaming at my daughter this weekend. She was properly dressed, completely covered wearing jeans and boots. You yelling work it and many other things. First your lucky the only thing she did was flip you off. Second your lucky she did not work the blade in her pocket on your vocal cords or your balls. She gets confused on human anatomy sometimes. Your also so very lucky that she waited to tell us about you yelling at her until we left the fair. Or you would have been working your head out of your ass, because I would have nailed it there along with your balls. Have a nice day!